I know how it works for a lot of us women…
We are so busy taking care of everyone else (children, spouses, neighbours, bosses, coworkers, even perhaps the person who walks our dog!) that we sometimes “forget” about ourselves. Or, is it just that when we finally finish caring for others, we have no resources left - not time, not energy and of course, not money - to meet our own needs.
Consider the availability of resources for your self-care. Typically there are several menu items for we women must have enough reserves in our budgets: haircuts, nails, clothing and shoes (or whatever other goods/services you prefer). It would be one thing if I were referring to high-end brands that are luxuries to most of us. But I’m not. I am talking about how we don’t allow ourselves to simply buy what we like and what makes us feel good, and mostly because we are busy taking care of others. In our heads we hear the same refrain, “I can’t buy this because (insert reason here).” It’s a cycle of thoughts and emotions.
Is this true that we “can’t”, or do our thoughts rule our emotions in these cases? Do we think we “shouldn’t” so then we feel we mustn’t? Does wanting make us appear selfish?
Many times we create for ourselves self-imposed rules that cause us to feel one way (deprived, perhaps), where there is also just as plausible way to feel that is the opposite: indulged - but in the very best way! On one day we say, “I can’t afford to buy this blouse (when we absolutely can),” or “I don’t need that new skirt,” or “My old hoodie will do just fine. There is no need for this cute sweater.” Or maybe we cannot justify the expense of anything for ourselves after spending hundreds of dollars on new clothes for the kids, the new iPhone, books or an online course…
Besides, we look good enough, right? The rules and the excuses take over our brains. And we never end up getting the new haircut, the cute pair of jeans or the pretty earrings.
But how do we feel? In another blog post I talked about presenting our best selves to the world, as how we look affects how we feel. Maybe it’s time to start figuring out what we actually like, what will make our hearts miss a beat, what will inspire us, so we can have our looks bolster our feelings about ourselves. It’s a whole lot more fun to think about how to create beauty and radiate it, than it is to disallow those desires for nice/new/beautiful things. When we rob ourselves of this joy, we are instead reinforcing the belief that we don’t deserve it or that we’re not worth it - beliefs that we carry over into other aspects of our lives: in relationships with our significant others, our kids, our coworkers. It’s less than ideal how that happens, but it is how life unfolds.
So think about how you might be able to do something a little bit differently. For yourself.
For many of you, when you think about a style coach, it sounds like a luxury, and completely unnecessary service. A waste of money, maybe. But feeling beautiful, attractive or even unstoppable...is it really about fashion and style or about confidence and self-esteem? Is that an investment we should make in ourselves? I argue that it is (and I’m not just saying that because I’m a style coach! I believe it!)
How do you feel about your current wardrobe? Stop for a minute and honestly answer this question, without making any excuses. Does it match how do you WANT to feel about it? Is it frustrating to know that your feelings about your wardrobe don’t match who you really are?Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate...
Maybe the services of a style coach like me (or the keratin hair treatment or the spa mani/pedi) are not absolutely necessary. But if the idea has come to mind, only to be quickly dismissed with another thought of “I can’t,” think again. Taking care of yourself first will only benefit others.
We, women, are ambassadors of beauty, creativity and nurturing in this world. When we look better, we feel better. And when we feel better, we do better - for ourselves and others. We need to think of ourselves as a beautiful orchid: our beauty will radiate from within and further serve to attract and inspire others, making our world look and feel better. And, just like that gorgeous flower that requires the help of the sun and rain, we need to use the available resources (time, energy and money) to make ourselves look - and feel - the best we can.
The time to start making yourself a priority is now. We need to grant ourselves the permission and not find a single new excuse.
Start by identifying that voice in your head and analyzing where it comes from. Once you know, figure out how to make it work for you so you can plan your next move. Because, whatever the issue is, there is always a solution.